The Fear Of Almost Lost

I still remember the feeling of the tears running down my face,
The salty taste.
The inability to breathe.
The stone-like feeling within my chest, a result of a heart trapped,
Constricted.
Unable to function.
Chest heaving, lungs trying to take in air.

I still remember the fear of visible vulnerability.
And the shock of actually seeing it,
You in that state.
My disbelief brought about by the inability of a merger between my memories of you,
And reality before me.

Your frailty rocked me.
Like waves crashing into the wooden panels of a boat during a storm.
My mind trying to steer me to peace,
But these waves wouldn't let it.

Like then, just as now, my heart is weak, my mind defeated.
I turn to prayer.
The saviour is remembered during this moment,
As He was last time.
My eyes closed,
I call out the name of God.
"Jesus!", I call out the name of His son.
A weak and feeble amen to bring the prayer to a close.

I still remember the faith brewing after the prayer.
It is the same feeling,
Like for like,
Nothing different.
The fear of almost losing you is a nostalgic one.

I still remember missing you,
Knowing in my heart I won't lose you.
Thanking God for you,
Loving you.